I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
