I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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