Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
