On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
