Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i barfeds in our rink
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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