Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so explain again why im purple
no
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
