I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
