id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
