You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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