he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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