My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
