Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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