after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
