does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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