Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
