don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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