how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
