We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
