She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
