I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
