Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize