Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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