I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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