Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
