Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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