It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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