Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
