apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
