I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
