I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
