So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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