have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
