vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
