dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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