Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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