everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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