Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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