Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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