he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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