just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
