She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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