why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
