Your face is a jimmy john
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
