I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
