I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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