RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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