I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
