Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
