matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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