U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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