She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
