Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
