You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
