Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize