Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
