just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
