Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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