dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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