Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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