I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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