Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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