oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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