Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
